Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
