Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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