About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
