I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
