I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
