How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
