and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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