are you still at the devil's house?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
