In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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