last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We talked him into tasing himself.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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