I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
