If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
