I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
