I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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