and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
