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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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