You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she smelled like a LAN party
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I need a burrito and a hug.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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