No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
