I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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