So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
