just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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