fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
