then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We are all done wearing pants today
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
