i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
