Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
