i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
