you told grandpa to call you daddy
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
