he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
