fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
