Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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