I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My dad is sitting where you rode me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
