In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
