You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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