I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
