Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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