I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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