Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
