i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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