your room smells of hookers.
And success
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
