Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
