My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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