No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
