i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
