I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
