My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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