Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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