You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
