How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
