so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
