I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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