1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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